


I'll still stay by your side

by ComposerEgg



Series: I don't deserve you [2]
Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Illness, Neku POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 04:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11305455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComposerEgg/pseuds/ComposerEgg
Summary: The air is heavy with the illusion of smoke, a dark cloud hanging over the solitary boy sitting on his throne. The murky silence of the air screams for him to turn around, go away, yells for him to turn back now, because in the center of the room on that throne is a black hole, and if you cross the event horizon of this one, only bad will come.





	I'll still stay by your side

**Author's Note:**

> Follow-up to [Emptiness is a friend of mine](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11296857). It comes right after that actually so read it first.
> 
> Beta'd by the wonderful [cavesalamander](http://cavesalamander.tumblr.com/), a very good friend of mine who gives lots of concrit, whom I appreciate and cannot thank enough!

The air is heavy with the illusion of smoke, a dark cloud hanging over the solitary boy sitting on his throne. The murky silence of the air screams for him to turn around, go away, yells for him to turn back now, because in the center of the room on that throne is a black hole, and if you cross the event horizon of this one, only bad will come.

“Joshua.”

Neku’s voice echoes, shattering the stillness of the scene. The city god before him flinches at the sound, curling up tighter into himself. Neku has to fight, one step at a time, to draw closer. The waves pouring off of Josh, urging him to stop, are like a physical force pushing him back.

 

_“I’m not… Good.”_

_“Huh?” Neku perks up to look at Josh. It’s midnight and the weekend and the movie on had long since ended. They’d been doing their own things, Neku sketching in his art book, Josh playing with his phone. Or, at least he was until now. Josh is curled up on the floor, back against the couch and head down on his knees._

_“I’m not a good person,” comes the mumbled reply. “You more than anyone should know that already. I poison everything I touch, leech the joy and happiness and_ Good _from everything I come in contact with. I’m only capable of causing pain, and I’m too selfish to keep myself away from those I could hurt.” He tilts and ends up sideways on the floor. “You shouldn’t want me in your life, it’s only a matter of time until I mess up and hurt you again.”_

_“Bullshit,” says Neku. He slides down from his spot on the couch, scooting closer to Josh. “You’ve fucked up in the past, yeah, but you’re not a horrible person. Everyone fucks up sometimes. I want you here, by my side, because you’re my friend, even though you’ve hurt me in the past. I still don’t know if I can forgive that, but I trust you to not intentionally do stuff like that again. Besides, you’re fun to hang out with, and if you up and left me I’d miss spending time with you, cuz you’re pretty cool.”_

_Josh turns his head to look at him, and Neku gives him a small smile, offering a hand to pull him back upright, which he takes._

“Josh, _please_. I know you’re thinking those bad thoughts again, so let me over there and we can talk. You don’t have to shut me out, stop listening to those false thoughts in your head.” He’s reached an impasse, unable to fight forward physically any more. He stands his ground, refusing to turn back, a stubborn fire holding steady against the wind.

His words don’t connect, he doesn’t gain an inch. So he sighs, and he knows it’s a dirty move, but he can’t just leave Joshua like this.

“You’re worried about hurting me again, yeah? Well it hurts pretty bad when you decide to isolate yourself and shove me away like you don’t care. You’re my _friend_ , asshat, and maybe that’s a terrifying unfamiliar concept to you, but I’d be a pretty shit friend if I let you sit here and wallow in self-loathing because you’re too afraid to risk being happy. Imagine how I feel, with you using your bullshit magic powers to try and force me away. If I didn’t know you, it’d feel like you’re trying to reject me, like you don’t want me around.”

The wall of force disappears.

 

_It’s rare that he manages to catch Josh unaware, but he’s managed here. The last time, Josh had been asleep, sprawled out on a couch, and out of impulse Neku had reached out to touch a wing. It’d been soft, but it’d also awoken Josh._

_Now, on the roof of Pork City, he’s managed again, and Josh isn’t even asleep this time. Standing on the last step up, Neku looks on at the sight before him._

_Floating a few inches in the air near the edge, toes pointed downward, with wings outstretched, is Joshua. The wings arc upward, above his head, each one extending six feet to the side, curving down to just below his knees. The white feathers shift with the wind, and he occasionally flaps them to hold himself steady, even as he uses magic to keep himself suspended in the air._

_The wind ruffles his hair as well, sunlight filtering down to illuminate the white, giving him a golden halo. He’s facing away, but Neku can picture his face, clear as day. Eyes closed as he listens to the sounds of his city, Lips drawn into a line, a small frown in concentration. His arms, hidden by the wings, are doubtlessly moving, weaving together lines and notes into the Song of Shibuya._

_Around him wispy Imagination hangs suspended, plasmatic and shimmering. He’s glowing, ethereal otherworldly beauty in the summer evening sunset, and Neku can’t help but to be drawn to him. The heart of Shibuya, the city that he’s come to love, wrapped tightly around this boy in front of him, Soul interwoven together so they are one and the same._

_It steals his breath away, and he forgets he needs to breathe until his lungs burn and beg for air, and then he’s coughing. The sound snags Joshua’s attention, and he whirls around, piercing, glowing, violet eyes looking at Neku with concern._

_The reverie is broken as Josh’s feet connect with the cooling concrete. A stray wisp dances away from him, to Neku, and before he can stop to think, his hand shoots out to grasp it at, taking a sharp inhale as it floods through him. Warmth buzzing up Neku’s arm and coursing through his body as pure Imagination reverberates with his Music, a sensation that throws him off-kilter, pitching towards the ground._

_He doesn’t hit it, instead an arm wraps around him, and Joshua is there, holding him steady._

_“Be careful, dear,” he chides, no bite to his voice. “I’d hate to see you get hurt.”_

Neku takes a step forward. Then another. Soon he’s crossed the remaining distance between them, and he slides in next to Joshua on the oversized chair, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him closer, so he can pet his hair.

Josh burrows into his side, letting out a sigh, and some mumbled words that sound suspiciously like he said, “I don’t deserve you.”

Neku snorts. “You’re a big dummy for thinking that. You’re my friend, it isn’t about what you think you _deserve_ , it’s about the fact that I like you, and I can only assume you like me, you nerd. You’re not _nearly_ half as bad as you think, ya know?”

Joshua slumps, uncurling himself, instead opting to sprawl across Neku’s lap, head resting on his chest. The air feels cleaner, the smoky haze starting to dissipate.

“I care about you, you know?” He doesn’t want to stop to analyze just how deep that care goes, a little in denial of how his heart flutters whenever he’s around Josh. This isn’t the time nor the place right now.

He gets a muttered, “I know,” in reply, and Neku smiles.

“Good. I’m here for you, even when you feel like shit. Just cuz some bad thoughts get stuck in your head doesn’t mean they’re true.”

It’s quiet for a moment, before, in a half whisper, Josh speaks again. “This isn’t… going to go away, you know? My head’s all fucked up, and that’s not something you can magically cure with _the power of friendship_. Are you _really_ gonna want to stick around after the 5th time this happens? The tenth?”

“Yes,” comes the immediate answer. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, don’t worry. I’m not going to abandon you, I promise.”

 

“ _Thanks_.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my fic!  
> If you did _please **leave a comment.**_ I would super love you if you do! Doesn't have to be eloquent or worded anything is good! Kudos say you made it to the end of the fic yeah, but comments express far better your emotions.
> 
> You can find me at [composeregg](http://composeregg.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. I've got a ton more twewy fics on ao3 and if you haven't checked those out and liked this I'd love it if you did!
> 
> EDIT: [I have a twewy discord now! It's here!](https://discord.gg/pEADe9J)


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